lost to love
by Dominisk
Summary: she hurt him. yet he cant come to stop loveing her. will he give her a second chance?


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it.

AN: a sad ode to Shikamaru.

--

Shikamaru sat down by the tree that had silently been clamed as his. He slowly closed his eyes trying to focus his thoughts, to forget the events that had taken place not more then two weeks ago. It didn't matter how hard he tried though, her Image kept coming back to him.

Shaking his head Shikamaru sighs. Thinking it would help he lays down and looks back up at the tree. As he stairs at the tree he notices something carved there. He stands and walks up to get a better look at what was written on his tree.

He sees a hart carved into the bark of the tree. Inside the heart he sees "NS+YI 4ever."

Shikamaru brings his hand to his cheek as he feels something soft and warm run down. He wipes at his cheek to find a tear on his face.

Shaking his head he softly says "why should I care? Its not like I had actual feelings for her or anything."

He shuts his eyes tight to try and hold back his tears.

However a the second he closes his eyes a warm memory comes to him.

memory

_Shikamaru was sitting at his favorite cloud watching spot, however it was night out. _

_He had just gotten done listing to his parents arguing about dumb things again. Getting sick of the fight he quietly left the house to go for a walk. It wasn't long however when he found himself where he usually spent his days. He started to ponder to himself about life and what he wanted, not noticing what was going on around him. _

_Suddenly something or someone had thrown there arms around his neck and was laughing as they dragged him from his sitting position into a laying one. _

_At first fear had griped him but he managed to quickly recover as he soon recognized the voice that was laughing. He sighs and says "what do you want troublesome women?" _

_"well first of all you could say Hi a lot nicer then that to me." _

_"why would I do that? You where the one who was rude first." _

_"oh come on shika you know you liked it."_

_"what a drag."_

_Ino eyes him noticing that he has yet to sit back up and get off her. She quietly whispers in his ear "well if its such a drag why don't you get off of me?"_

_"this is your punishment for hanging on me like that"_

_She just giggles at his statement. _

_Finally controlling her laughter the two go into a comfortable silence. They lay there for ten minutes in this silence together before Ino brakes it saying "Shikamaru when are you going to ask me out?" _

_Shikamaru jumps from the spot to stair down at the girl in disbelief. She however meets his eyes with out a seconds hesitation. Thinking for a moment Shikamaru manages to say "what makes you think that I am going to ask you out?"_

_Ino stands and stairs at Shikamaru for a moment, then with out warning she wraps her hands around Shikamaru's waist and puts her head against his chest. She holds him like that for a moment and finally says "why wont you then? I am sure you have noticed how I feel about you." _

_Shikamaru couldn't help himself he was starting to feel extremely happy inside. He turns his head not sure what to say to the girl that now holds him. Noticing the lights coming from the town, he pulls himself slightly back from her and says in a low soft tone "I guess I was always waiting for what I thought would be the perfect moment." _

_Ino looked up into his chocolate brown eyes to notice something that she just couldn't place her finger on. What it love or admiration? Thinking for a moment she manages to say " oh and when is that perfect moment?"_

_Shikamaru smiled at her. He then grabbed her hand and moved her to the side of the tree. As he did this a soft beam of light from the full moon lands across her face to highlight her beautiful sky blue eyes. _

_Ino softly looks at Shikamaru to notice that from her position the full moon is directly behind him putting a glow of light all around him. It maid him seem almost like a god. _

_Slowly stretching his arms and hands on both sides of him, she could see the sea of lights that was the town. The way he had positioned himself was amazing and it took her breath away. The way the shadows softly touched his face, but there was enough light that she could clearly see his features. She watched in sheer amazement as he began to slowly move his hands around the lights of the town, making it seem as if he was the one who created them._

_For a moment Ino was wondering to herself if Shikamaru had used some sort of genjutsu on her. _

_After a moment of letting her take in the sight he had set up Shikamaru begins to speak with a soft yet powerful voce saying "Ino for a long time now I have had feelings for you. Ones that for some reason or another I couldn't explain and didn't know how to express. However tonight it dawned on me what they where." _

_Slowly he reaches out moving in a way that didn't brake the natural spell he had cast. He then takes hold of Ino and pulls her close to him. There faces now only inches from each other he whispers the next part to her. _

_"Ino I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. Please give this plain, lazy boy a chance at making you happy." _

_Ino pulls closer to him and rests her forehead against his. Losing herself in the moment she smiles while wrapping her arms around his neck. Tears of joy begin to spill from her eyes she then whispers back "Shika it was absolutely perfect, and yes I will go out with you." _

_end of memory._

Shikamaru begins to curse himself while saying "even then I knew this would happen, but yet I couldn't hold myself back."

Letting anger and sadness start to get the better of him Shikamaru takes out a Kunie. Drawing the blade closer and closer to the tree. After a moment he drops the blade

He couldn't do it, and was not wiling to let go those feelings he held for the blond. How could she? Why did she?

Dropping to his knees as he leans against the tree, he lifts his head toward the gray skis up above. He lets his emotions start to run free as he screams out in anger and pain " How could you do this to me!!"

Tears run freely from his eyes. A loud crash of thunder could be heard in the distance as Shikamaru listens he thinks to himself "even the heavens jest at my misfortune. dam you."

Lowing his head in defeat he listens as the sound of soft pelting rain can now be heard. "ironic. Could it get any worse then this?" he sadly thought to himself.

After ten minutes of hard work Shikamaru was finally able to start gaining his composure. Lifting himself from the ground he turns to see the last thing in the world he ever wanted to see again.

There she was standing before him, her hair and cloths soaked down to her very bones. Quietly she says "Shikamaru?"

At her words anger started to rise with in him. After everything that had happened, after everything she had put him through. Here she was still with enough guts to try and talk to him.

However as he was about to let his anger lose on her he noticed that her eyes where red and puffy, most likely from crying. Using all his will power he restrains himself from yelling at her and asks in a cold tone looking her directly in the eyes "what do you want Ino?"

However Ino did not answer, she just kept staring at him as if he was an illusion. Letting his anger get the best of him Shikamaru begins yelling at her saying "what the hell do you want from me?"

Ino stepped back away from in fear. She had seen him in every state of emotion except that of anger. She never believed that he of all people could get that mad. It didn't matter how she tried she was to frightened of him to be able to talk to him.

Getting fed up with her not talking all the sudden, Shikamaru starts to walk away as he thinks to himself "I hope your happy with the things you did." as he passes Ino she reaches out and grabs onto him from behind.

In a soft gentle voice she begins talking saying "please Shikamaru. I don't think I can lose you again."

Hearing her say those words start brining tears to Shikamaru's eyes. However he didn't turn to look at her in order to hid the emotions that now showed. Doing the best he can to hid his state of being he asks "tell me Ino did you ever once even look my way?"

Ino lets go of Shikamaru's shirt in shock at his words she then asks him "what do you mean Shikamaru?"

Turning now to look at her with the most anger he can muster he says "the only time I remember you looking at me for me was when I first asked you out. After that everything went down hill. So tell me where you ever looking at me or was it always him that you saw when you looked at me?"

Ino seeing the anger once more slowly backs a few steps away from him. Then in a quaking voice she replies "I still don't understand what your asking of me Shikamaru."

That was it. How could she be so dense? Finally letting more of his anger take hold of him once again he yells at her saying "the only reason you went out with me was because I in one way or another reminded you of Sasuke! You never once noticed how or even cared about how I felt about you! Every time I said I loved you all you did was imagine it was Sasuke who told you that! So I am asking you did you ever once look at me for me? Or was it always him on your mind?"

She looked up at Shikamaru, now noticing the tears that streamed down his face and joined the rain. This had been the third time she has ever seen or heard of him crying. The first was when Choji was in the hospital. The second was at Asuma's death. Deep down she hated herself for making him cry like this.

With soft slow motions she moves in close to Shikamaru. Gently putting her hand on his face she calmly says "I was always looking at you comparing you? Yes, but the final result was you on top."

Shikamaru looked deep into her eyes for a moment. Then suddenly he pushes her hand off his cheek then lowers his head in defeat while softly saying "for once in your life Ino. For just once I wish you wouldn't lie."

She was astonished at his words, pulling herself back she asks "what makes you think I'm lying?"

"when you lie to me I can see it in your eyes. They seem to become devoid of all emotion when you do."

Clenching his fists tight he begins talking to her saying "you know this is stupid of me but I said I loved you once."

She looked at him with pain and sadness in her eyes. She didn't want to hear what was going to be said next. She knew it was not anything good, but she couldn't keep herself from listing as he finished

"and to this very dammed day, even after all the shit you pulled. I swear that I still do love you."

His words shocked Ino more then anything. They hadn't been what she was expecting to hear. Finally realizing all that had just happened she lets a smile come to her face and she was about to jump onto Shikamaru. However he stops her by putting his hand up and says in a low cold tone. "but that doesn't mean I will forgive you, and allow myself to be put into a position for you to hurt me again."

Her heart shattered at his words. She then started begging "please Shikamaru, please give me one more chance."

He shook his head and replied "first tell me why you came here."

"I came because I wanted to …" however she was cut short by Shikamaru who said " no your lying again. The only reason you came here was to make yourself feel better. You don't actually care about what you did to me. You came because he dumped you. isn't that right?"

Ino looks Shikamaru in the eyes and says "no I swear its not because he dumped me. Its true that I did get dumped but that was last week. During that time I could think of nothing but you. I didn't care that I wasn't with Sasuke anymore."

" for some reason I cant bring myself to believe you."

Looking away in shame now she says "your partly right. Its true that it is because he dumped me. I was sure that you would accept me still even with my faults. I thought that you would want me back. I wanted to feel loved, and I thought you would be the one to be able to give that to me once again. The truth is that if I was with you and Sasuke ever asked me to be with him again I would probably do it again."

Suddenly Ino feels a sharp pain come across her cheek and jaw as she falls to the ground. She looks up to see Shikamaru with his right hand in a fist and arm stretched out.

"I wish for just a second you would think about my feelings for you. I wish for just a single moment in time you would love me like I have loved you. For once I wish you would look at me with the same eyes you look at him with."

After saying this Shikamaru drops to his knees. A moment of silence passes between then Shikamaru says in a subdue tone of voice "did you know three weeks ago I was going through the store, looking at engagement rings? I really wanted to propose to you, but then he showed his face back in town and you dropped me like a rock, but not before you spent two days cheating on me with him. I thought to myself that I am sure she will be back for me, that she would realize the mistake she maid and then come to understand it was me you loved and not him.

She looked at him with confusion and sorrow, but he continued " you know its funny. I had finally decided I wanted to share everything with you. I wanted to be the one you depended on for the rest of your life. I was willing to give everything I had to you and everything I would ever have to you. I wanted to be the reason you woke up in the morning, the reason you where happy during the day. Even if it wasn't me who you where really looking at. That didn't matter to me. I was happy just being around you. Being able to see you smile. I was truly content."

She was at a lose of words she could not and for some reason, refused to believe that he cared about her with so much passion.

He then said "you know what I think? I think that maybe things would have been better off if I was never born. Then maybe you would have been the one put on Sasuke's team. You would be the one he loved and you would be happy together with him.

Finally Shikamaru got up and began walking away, ignoring all pleas Ino yelled to stop him. However when he was a little more then twenty feet from her he yelled back to her "Ino I never want to see you again. Please leave me alone."

With that no more words where said between the two.

The next morning Choji went to visit his best friend only to find that Shikamaru had hung himself in the night with a note next to his bed that read.

"It was for love of her that I lived. I was for love that I tried so hard, and it is for love that I died."

--

Just updating fixing a few words and problems and adding a part that my friend told me I should. Though don't know if I like this ending the original one where they just never talk again was probably better. But leave a review and tell me what you think.


End file.
